Introduction – I did not make many changes in my introduction, as I was pretty happy with it from the beginning, and most of my peer comments complemented my introduction. I did however, delete a few parts of sentences, as well as one whole sentence because there was simply too much. I was explaining too much of “they say” and I was putting information in my introduction that I never used in my paper and was completely unnecessary. I had a little bit of an issue with what to eliminate, because I do not like deleting my writing, but I was able to recognize what was needed and what was not.
Evidence and Explanations – In my original second paragraph I really focused on the explanation point with one of my quotes. This particular quote was way too much at the bottom of that paragraph because I simply did not have enough explanation. I changed this by explaining what the quote was saying, along with adding a little “I say” to the relationship of the quote with what I was trying to say in my paper at that point. I also added much needed explanation in my original fourth paragraph when I threw in an definition without really explaining the meaning, making it very sloppy and uncomfortable.
Reorganization – Reorganizing my paper was a key portion of editing my first draft into my final draft for this paper. When writing I had two separate ideas, one about Mushfake the other about meta knowledge that linked together but did not flow with the paper correctly. I ended up separating the meta knowledge part from a separate paragraph and placing it after the Mushfake idea because I needed the Mushfake concept to be explained before I even began the meta knowledge part. Without this reorganization my paper would have looked much different, my ideas would not connect nearly as well, and the flow would be very off.
New paragraphs – From my first draft to final draft I actually did not add any new paragraphs as I started with 6 and ended with 6, but they were a very different 6. Firstly, as previously mentioned, I split my fourth paragraph up and moved it to after my 5th one to adjust the flow. Then, I combined my second and third paragraph, one talking about Gee’s ideas and the other about Cuddy’s, to show their arguments side by side. This worked extremely well as this new combined paragraph allowed me to show the argument much better, allow more space and focus on my argument, and again made the flow much cleaner.
