Learning Outcome I
Below are links to the first and final draft of my Significant Writing Project in order to showcase the changes I made:
Colomey – Paper 2 – First Draft
Colomey – Paper 2 – Final Draft
Framing Statement: For my second out of three papers for this semester’s class my revisions was actually quite minimal. I read and took into consideration my peers comments, but most of them were compliments or minor suggestions. I fixed and/or tweaked a few small grammatical errors and flow issues throughout my paper (Local changes), and I really only had two large revisions. The first of these was in the second out of six paragraphs, in which I expanding the concept of teacher-student relationships as well as adding a certain thread that related to Gee’s building tasks. One of the sentences I added was “You must fully immerse yourself in the identity of an apprentice in order to effectively transition into a master and hopefully move on to one day gaining the identity of a mentor to the next generation”. This was to use more Explanation in an area that severely lacked it, as well as adding a new conceptual idea.The second of my major revisions was to my conclusion in which I reworked the later half of it extensively. I added the sentence “Combination, like the one aforementioned, is crucial, as only by enacting practices, growing relationships, taking on identities, uncovering connections and so many more methods, can you paint a clear picture”. I did so to thread and complete my ideas more thoroughly in the essay, using this sentence as a bridge from many of my ideas earlier in the paper as well as a way to wrap up and connect these ideas together as a way to tie up loose ends. While I only really utilized revision on local content and explanation in this particular essay, in my first essay I was forced to revise my paper much more extensively. Along with the same two revisions processes, I also used reorganization and new paragraphs to better my discussion. I believe that for every paper, different revision styles and degrees are required, and through this paper and my other two papers I was able to grow in my ability to intelligently and correctly revise my papers thanks to my peers comments, teacher guidance, and learning through experience.
